Preface

Funsutra of a Ruined MBA degree is a Blog that narrates story of F.R.I.E.N.D.S.H.I.P., Love and Life based in a B - school in a university Campus. It is an attempt to bring Campus life to Blog Pages.As the name of the Blog suggests, it will not be giving you any insights into MBA but a glimpse about life inside University gates in an average B - School (strictly not from the upper crust). I chose to narrate this story from Rahul’s eyes, the main character lead, who is an unambitious drifter and lands up in this B - School for fun, frolic, friendship, love and off course the MBA degree! The only reasons that he chose MBA is that one, it is in fashion (soon can be announced as India’s National Degree) and second, in hope that it will land up in a job, paying good BUCKS... Statutory Warning - This blog will not guide you anything related to MBA, getting good grades or Placements, however it can teach you how to screw up your MBA . Read at your own Risk!

Old Monk and the Jungle

Episode 16OLD MoNk and the Jungle

Thanks to Vivek, we at least had a crisis management plan for our semester exams. Like good managers without wasting any further time, we started working on our first task i.e. search notes as per the”new syllabus” (every second year our university used to re-shuffle and re name topics among various units so as to term it as new syllabus and to prove how efficient the professors were in keeping up with the latest trends in the market). I started with googling topics, Vivek went ahead with books, Hemant tried using his PR skills with seniors and Nick (out of blue and fear) started showering more respect and friendly attitude towards studious girls.  

In spite of all our high level planning, strategy and efforts respectively we were running out of time. Our condition was similar to an F1 racer who has to compete with the best drivers in the world without even taking basic lessons on the wheels. We were just four days short of the first exam, and now each and every nano -second was as valuable like to the scientists at CERN laboratory. To save time we started taking our meals in hostel mess. The food was insipid everything tasted just the same, only the colors were different. For the very first time we felt the pain of a student in a blue blooded MBA College. We could also compare ourselves with the salesmen in local buses who are always running to keep up with time. For Vivek and me the Biggest Problems were Accounts and Quant. Don’t know about others but as far as I remember I’ve always had a disturbing relationship with Quant (or mathematics), no matter how many times I tried those equations the value of X always remained a mystery. Similarly, matching a balance sheet in accounts seemed as easy as a peace treaty between India and Pakistan plus the thought of Professor Diwakar Nath made gave me the feeling of a heart attack coming this way. 

Anyhow with our combined efforts and team work we managed notes from different sources, majority of them from our studious counterparts. It took us three days to collect all the material. We could have done that in half the time but you see no matter how smartly you plan there will always be (welcomed)  distractions like pretty girls, facebook  +  university updates, good food, sound sleep, unstoppable  music, Cricket matches etc. As usual, they all ate into our studying hours and left you behind heaps of Un-doable course material. Additionally, no Matter what, everyday Vivek and I used to drive to the other side of hill to girls’ hostel .Of course, Vivek had to meet his girlfriend and I had to meet the girl whom-I-wished-as-my-girlfriend - Megha. I was not sure that she was/could be my girlfriend or just a good beautiful friend.  Vivek and Anamika used to call it study dates. Haplessly our study dates lasted just an hour per day because the girls really wanted to study.

In case you are wondering where was Baba ji all these days, well, he too was busy in the study dates and in his case it was an unstoppable affair.
If you are wondering, “With whom”?
My answer would be Girls from Chemistry department.
“Chemistry department?”

Yes. Baba ji is a science grad and his deep knowledge of subjects was enough to mentor four M.Sc.  girls from Chemistry department for their semester one.  For the girls at Chemistry department, this lad from MBA department was Prof Bhatia. Prof Bhatia never cared for marks, degree or placements. He possessed a passion to understand everything present in this universe. We could easily relate him to Ranchoddas Shamaldas Chanchad "Rancho” from the movie “3 idiots“. Professors never really liked him as no one ever had answers to his questions.

The night before exam - The clock shows 1 AM. 

How I wished that a day could have 50-60 hours. My hopes of passing were as bright as that of a sunny day in Siberia. I wish I could get good grades for my parents as they had worked real hard for paying for the lectures (that I had never attended) and like all other Indian parents they are super possessive for a good report card. I tried calling up Megha to refresh my brain but her cell is also switched off (may be she was sleeping after her revisions -J).   The only thing that is making me feel better is company of Nick and Hemant as it is certain we three will surely make to the lowest rung. Vivek still had a little ray of hope with his “never give up” attitude and study chats over phone. No one knows where Baba ji is! He may be in chemistry department or physics or arts or may be busy composing a song for some up-coming Campus band.
Time is flying with the speed of rocket I am approximately left with 88.27 % of the syllabus, Nick and Hemant also share nearly the same percentages, whereas Sarkari had finished doing his revision for the 5th time three hours ago. He looked down to us like some CEO of forbes 500 company looking down to illiterate losers. Nick, Hemant and I looked at each other. It’s officially the time to give up. It doesn’t matter you fail by one mark or without scoring a single mark. Fail is still a fail.

Screw them… words of wisdoms coming out from Nick’s mouth. “Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, let’s get all wasted and have our time of our life”.  When he says this it means we were going to booze up.  We packed ourselves in his car and made our way to Baluganj theka (liquior shop).  Nick wanted to have some fine whisky but due to financial constraints and cold weather we settled for a bottle and a half of Old Monk, Coke, Soda with Peanuts. Vivek was still occupied with books in the only available hostel room so Nick decided to drive to Potters Hill. Potters Hill is just 200 second drive from our hostel room. It was our own multipurpose hill where we smoked, had alcohol, listened to pink Floyd, Nirvana and Mohit Chauhan, plan, share secrets and yes once we also tried yoga and meditation. We invaded the jungle to collect all the tinder i.e.  Twigs, dried leaves, paper, bark, dry grass, dried pine needles, broken up pine cones etc everything that can be burnt. Hemant was as good in making bonfire as Beethoven for music and Leonardo da Vinci in panting. We started with our Old Monk and our mobiles started chirping some good numbers.

 It was heavenly. Vivek gave up and joined us. We decided to study hard from the next day to score passing marks (at least) in all other courses except accounts. All of us were emotional in accounts. It was a bitch! We could only afford two supplie’s, third one meant we had to pack our stuff back home. The thought of packing stuff was scary!!! Not because I cared about MBA degree, career or the gigantic fee that I had paid, but because I was in love with this beautiful place, its friendly people and the girl who would be mugging up management theories on the other side of the Hill. I can sense same feeling in Vivek’s eyes. Nick and Hemant seem unaffected.

Out of the blue we saw a two-wheeler with dim light approaching us. It was baba ji dressed in a 1960’s Kurta pajama – and a 1970’s Bajaj Chetak (which was borrowed from sarkari).
“Guys what are you doing here at this time, done with your syllabus? “ Baba Said.
“Fcuk Syllabus, its of no use now, we are not as brainy as you and anyway everything is screwed now, please… you can go and revise” Nick Said.
Although it is ethically wrong but all of us WERE jealous of Baba because he was the only person among us whom we were sure would be surviving all examinations.
“I need old monk more than a revision “. Baba Said with a wink.
Nick made a king size peg with small quantity of soda, that’s how baba starts his first drink. We raised a toast to the beautiful night, the bon fire and to the lovely picture of Aishwarya Rai printed on the canvas of our disposable thermocol glasses.
“Guys… I want to share some stories with you.” Baba said

“My first story is of a boy and his growing needs with time.”
“Once upon a time there lived a boy in a small village near Shimla. His name was Orkut. Orkut wanted to be a software engineer and give this world the next big thing. In his first go orkut cracked an excellent rank in AIEEE and got calls from all top engineering colleges in the country but he couldn’t join any because his father the only earning member in the family and had incurred some huge business losses. His uncle Mr. Facebook took over all their business.  His family was not left with any money or assets and even getting a square meal was not easy. Things changed overnight for Orkut, he had a different world now with different need structure and motivations. His first set of needs that motivated him to work was to make enough money to get his family the basic amenities i.e. food, shelter and clothing . He started with some odd jobs and soon landed up in a company that paid him enough to fulfill the basic needs. Orkut successfully completed his first target; he was ready to fulfill Physiological needs of his family and himself.  The next set of needs that started motivating Orkut now was Safety needs. Personal security and Financial security for his family was now his motivation. To achieve this target he started working overtime late till night to earn more money. Soon he got a promotion and a good hike. He was now earning a handsome salary enough to fulfill all his safety needs, for instance he bought insurance policy, started investing in numerous assets like house, gold etc. Safety needs, his target number two was also achieved. Now he started looking forward to enjoy his life. He had no friends or a girl friend, he was loner. Now it’s the need for Love and Belongingness that motivated him. He started increasing his social circle, he become very good friend with one of his office mate Digg. Both started going to clubs and one day Orkut accidently stumbled upon on a beautiful girl named Youtube. Both Orkut and Youtube fell in love with each other. Soon they get married and after a year they were blessed with twin girls, they named them ymail and gmail. Time passed, now Orkut was a happy rich man, he had a big family, good friends, lovely wife and two grown up angels. His need for Love and Belongingness was also filled; he needs a new motivation in his life. The next need which now motivated Orkut was Esteem needs. He wanted to do something that could give him status in society, recognition, fame, prestige, and attention.  Orkut resigned from his Job to do something that he valued. He rewinded his life 30 years back and saw himself as a young 18 year old who wanted to pursue software engineering and make cutting innovations. 50 is a not a good age to join an engineering college but surely good to start one. Orkut started a college named “Myspace “. Its objective was not to make money; it had no reservations, donations, nepotism etc. Students as well as professors here were given admission/hired on basis of pure talent. Overnight the college become’s a success story and Orkut became a national figure. People from entire country respected and value him. All his low level needs were now fulfilled and now it was time for highest need - self-actualization i.e. to know more of what one is, to realize his full potential and know the real purpose of life. Orkut started on his self-actualization journey by giving his best to do his bit to make this world a better place to live in.
“Nice story Baba ji, but why are you narrating us this one at this time? “ I asked.
“Because…  It will fetch you at least 8-12 marks in the paper tomorrow” Baba said.
“How”? Nick, Vivek, Hemant and I jumped out of curiosity.
“Do you remember the needs I mentioned in the story?” Baba asked.
“Yes – Physiological, Safety, Love and Belongingness, esteem and finally Self-actualization”  Hemant said.

“Perfect – this is not the story of orkut. It is Maslow's Theory of Motivation - hierarchy of needs. It was a theory in psychology, proposed by Abraham Maslow in his research paper on Human Motivation.  Just drop orkut and his relatives from the story and write about the needs of a human. It will definitely fetch you some good marks. I have some more stories to tell vaise… “ – Baba said.

The Stories continued till dawn and surprise surprise… we were able to complete almost 80% of syllabus. We kept on refilling glass for baba ji and he kept on filling our brains. After 6-7 pegs of old monk, Baba started sounding more interesting and his examples more sexy. Every Chapter was sounding as good as music from six-strings. I wish every student in this world gets blessed with Professor Bhatia.

Undoable was done, our first exam went well and also the remaining ones. 

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